Crisis with my best friend, advice desparately needed

My best friend and i have been friends for 15 years, we are 22,23 year old males. growing up we were always against drugs, smoking, drinking. my friends father is an extreme alcoholic who is in terrible condition and got fired from his job years ago. my friend goes to school and work while also taking care of his preteen nephews because his sister(there mother) is incapable of tending to them all the time, so the chore falls on him. recently it has been brought to my attention that my best friend has been hanging out with a 19 year old male who used to do marijuana and drugs when he was 16,17,18 but has supposedly stopped now, this person dropped out of community college and hangs out with other questionable people some much older(40's). my friend recently told me he drinks smirnoff(after his father is an alcoholic) my friend said he values my friendship but doesnt want me to tell him what to do, because he is a 22 year old adult. his personality is shy an quiet and is a huge follower, when with others. im fearful for my friends safety when he is around this one person because if he did marijuana at 16, who knows what else he is capable of, and i am also fearful that he is befriending my best friend cause he sees he has a steady job and is a follower and maybe he feels he can convince him with his assets to 'help him out' doing stuff illegally. i am friendly with my friends mother and want to tell her about this, i already talked to my friend and he said everything will be fine and not to tell him what to do, but he is acting very differently than years past and again im fearful for his safety. should i tell his mother about this knowing it could get the situation resolved, i am not afraid of losing him as a friend cause he wants to be my friend more than the other way, ive always looked out for him cause of his growing up and shy personality, i feel i need to do something now, please anyone, advice is so needed and appreciated, please help me with this, its stressing me out immensely and i cant sleep. thanks.Crisis with my best friend, advice desparately needed
You've tried talking to him and your next step is talking to his mother. Is she helping to raise her grandkids as well? She would want to know for sure. She might already suspect that something is not right with her son. Maybe if you approach her and ask her if she knows what is going on with her son. If he is taking care of preteen boys that might be weighing on him if he is only 22.





Talk to his mother, maybe between the two of you you can come up with a way to approach him without making him feel like he is doing wrong. That is a lot of responsibility for one so young, raising some one else's kids. He sounds like a nice fellow and lucky to have a friend who cares about his well being.





Good Luck.Crisis with my best friend, advice desparately needed
This is a tough one. I think because you know him so well and can see a difference in his actions that something is going on. If you know his mother, and think it would help the situation out please talk to her. It seems like you've talked to your friend already and he doesn't welcome you butting in. You are in a hard position. I hope i've been of some help. Best of luck to you and your friend.
I think that telling his mother is definately the way to go. Your relationship with this person is going to be risked but you have to decide if this relationship (as it is) is more important than you're friend's mental and physical well-being.





It sounds like he definately is being affected. If he's taken to drinking, try to find out why. Maybe its due to stress. Also, try talking to this younger friend. Get to know him. See if he's really trying to take advantage of your friend.





But you also need to remember that people change. Not always, but sometimes they do, even for the worse. Just try your best to support him and remind him WHY he CHOSE not to drink or do drugs. If his good sense fails him, then be there for him.
Keep on being his friend, but Dude, you cannot live his life for him.


Tell him what you think, but he already knows what you think and he doesn't like it (as evidenced by the line ';...he values my friendship but doesnt want me to tell him what to do, because he is a 22 year old adult...';)


Just let him know that you and he will be friends forever, but you don't like what you see and you are concerned. Then offer him an out by going to counseling or playing basketball or finding out if they need some child services to help him and the preteens.


You can't live his life for him. And you cannot make him live his life for you. But you can be there and you can try to understand. But you also have to be able to protect yourself and walk away when it is time to walk away.


I wish you luck.